Becoming Merciful People
by Katie Harding on May 20, 2024
Have you ever felt so angry you didn’t want to let it go? A time that seemed almost comforting to recount the offense, knowing you were justified in your anger? Jesus tells us to forgive, but why is it so important? Peter asked Jesus how many times he had to forgive, and Jesus replied not once or twice, but “seventy times seven.” Yet we often confuse the frequency of forgiving with the reason for forgiving.
The reason we forgive, as one of the pastors at church said Sunday, is because the act of forgiveness is really about mercy. Jesus said, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15). We are to show mercy to others the same way God shows mercy to us. As the king said in the parable about the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:33, “Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?” Showing mercy is an expression of our gratefulness. Forgiving is about remembering God’s mercy in our lives and extending that same mercy to others. It sounds simple, but it’s not easy. Thinking of God’s mercy is sometimes the last thing that comes to mind when someone has wronged us.
Forgiveness is about deciding where we want to focus our thoughts. Do we want to continue to focus on the grievance or pain? Replaying the hurt over and over? It’s not healthy, but it certainly makes the enemy happy. He’s the one whispering reminders of the offense. He’s the one who wants us to recount the story again and again. He’s the one who wants us to stew in our anger because it eats away at our wholeness and allows bitterness to take root in our heart. And where anger has rooted, love cannot grow. Forgiveness is not only about preventing the bitterness from rooting itself, but also about digging up the roots that are already there.
Even though forgiveness is necessary, it can be difficult. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean we are going to receive an apology, hear words of regret, or see a change in the other person. In fact, forgiveness is really so much more about allowing God to change us than it is to change anyone else. It’s deciding to no longer let the grievance consume our thoughts or control a part of our heart, and it’s putting a stop to the enemy’s attempts to do so.
So, how do we forgive when it feels totally beyond us? Because sometimes it is. I’ve been there. Once, even though I knew I needed to forgive, I told Jesus, “I don’t want to forgive. I want to stay angry.” But I knew the anger would only cause me more harm than good, so eventually I surrendered and did what I always do. I prayed what I call the Corrie Ten Boom prayer, a prayer I adapted years ago from a comment in her book The Hiding Place. It’s the only way I have truly learned to allow forgiveness to work in me and through me – “Jesus, please forgive them through me until I can forgive them myself, and please love them through me until I can love them myself.” Amazingly, it always works. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer says, “The passion of Christ strengthens him [the Christian] to overcome the sins of others by forgiving them.” We become merciful people.
I encourage you to not only use this prayer in the heat of the moment, but to take some time over the next week or two and conduct a survey of your heart. Are there any hurts that have taken up residence? Are there any bitter roots that have been there so long they are now part of the landscape? Allow Jesus to help you remove them – dig them out one by one – roots and all. Allow light to shine where darkness once ruled and allow mercy to grow and flourish. It’s amazing the difference one little prayer can make. Thank you, Jesus.